Alhamdullillah, I’m glad there’s a good amount of people that opted into this email list before I closed it.
The name of this newsletter is “Huzaifa’s Yap,” and though a lot of it will be exactly that, I also want to do little acts of worship by providing some value with my yap as well, for the sake of Allah.
Excuse my grammatical errors, spelling errors, and whatever other mistakes I make as I let you all into my journal.
If I can get one of you to move your heart an atom’s distance towards righteousness, I consider that a victory on my end.
Bismillah,
Everyone has their one thing, that ONE sin they just can’t overcome, at least for some time in their life.
For some, it may be drugs, swearing, violence, jealousy, or over beautification.
For me, it was lust.
I battled with it for almost all of my teenage years.
When I thought I had overcome it, it would simply show itself in other forms.
The thing about lust is that its effects creep in and intoxicate every other area of your life.
It doesn’t creep in as laziness or a lack of motivation. Rather, it’s quite the opposite.
You start going to the gym more often, dressing better, trying to have more confidence within yourself, and getting your money up.
But it’s all for the wrong reasons.
All to become “more desirable.”
It makes you feel empty inside. There is no real YOU. It’s all a performance, and the audience is the opposite gender.
So how did I stop?
I realized that there was no “restraining myself” or “trying to do less of it.”
I had to kill this part of me, burn it.
I realized that the change you make within yourself is only as big as your resolve.
People quit alcohol after killing someone via drunk driving because the pain of murder becomes greater than the pleasure of consumption. The resolve becomes so strong that change is inevitable.
But you don’t have to kill someone, or have some major, life altering event happen, to generate that kind of resolve.
The greatest resolve comes from repentance.
That’s right.
I used to think of repentance as nothing more than an eraser, to erase my lustful sins.
But a major key to having your tawbah accepted is to not only say Astaghfirullah sincerely, but also have deep conviction and…
Resolve.
That you will never repeat that sin ever again.
When was the last time you made tawbah, but you actively convinced yourself, told yourself with deep, unshakable conviction, that you would rather DIE than commit that sin again?
You convince yourself so much to a point where you accept it and identify as someone who doesn’t commit that sin.
You actively play mental scenarios in your head of when that sin may creep up on you, and how you will protect yourself.
You unplug the sin from its roots. You cut off all forms of ties to that sin, whether that’s through certain things, or through certain people.
Once you get up from that sujood during Salat At Tawbah, you identify as a completely different person.
The issue was, I could’ve done this way earlier. I had the knowledge.
But I waited until that emptiness fully consumed me.
Don’t wait for it like I did.
If you are someone who is free from what I struggled with, or any sin at all, may Allah SWT keep you away from them.
But if you are struggling, go make wudu, and let go of its chains once and for all.
Make sincere tawbah, and talk to Allah with certainty that you will never do it again.
Do everything that is necessary, and within your power, to make sure you never commit that sin again.
Develop hatred within yourself for that sin. And unbalance the scales by doing more good.
No fancy conclusion lol
Assalam Alaikum.
P.S - After multiple days of failing, I am also currently doing a 75 Hard (more on that later).